By Jerome Ogola
This COVID-19 has stopped several reggae, only that we haven’t had time to take stock and enumerate them
All weddings stand postponed or called off. Weddings were noble, until recently when they were converted into full time businesses, just like funerals have become
If held in the villages, they were good, because we hoof eaters, suspended any cooking in our homes, and dispatched our children to the homes hosting these events
The semi naked children, others wearing pants without shirts and others long shirt without any pants, would invade the eating arena, and like desert locuts, eat everything in sight and then lazily stroll home, belching and as heavily expectant, as one of our top military general, or a certain governor, who goes blind each time the auditors knock his door
We wouldn’t have celebrated any arrangement that bans such weddings, nowadays matters are different and we all have a reason to celebrate when such events are declared illegal
Nowadays, they force you into a WhatsApp group where you are made a ” kamati” and given your share to donate
It can be 20k or 10k or 5k.They then sit around and watch for your exit. You do so, you are declared hostile
For fear that no one will contribute for you, maybe when your child will be admitted in hospital, you are compelled to remain in the group, sell a few goats and submit the money
The sad part is that unlike education whose fruits can be felt by a whole community, a good reason for everyone to chip in, marriage is different
It is only one person who will be stretching his 20 digits to fire in live ammunition and he should solely cater for the cost of the wedding, together with his family
Alternatively, if you cannot afford a wedding, just do it the hoof eater’s old way. You simply sneak into your prospective in law’s home, in the middle of the night, and walk straight to the kitchen, which also acts as a makeshift bedroom for the girls
You then carefully knock the window, loud enough to alert your prey and muld enough not to awaken the mkoloni snoring a fee meters away in the main house. When your lady comes, you hand her a green polythene bag, she stuffs in her cloths, you pull her out of the windows, and like Rambo, you leave the home a married man
Immediately you get home, you work hard hard to give her the shape of that military general, and her people will not welvome her again
Most women you see happily married, were actually abducted this way. A certain friend of mine, very close one, was stolen this way, across River Nzoia in the middle of the night and taken to Ugenya and she has never regretted
At least COVID-19 has saved us from such tribulations
Great evening my fellow hoof eaters!!
