Terrible Things That Happen To You When You don’t Know Nairobi.

By Agnes Sikuku

Terrible Things That Happen To You When You don’t Know Nairobi.
1.You will realise that your phone ran out of charge,but since you need directions, you alight at Naivasha to see your girlfie instead.You see,you are nothing without being given directions for the 1Millioneth time.

2.You will ask where the National Archives is.It’s the question you ask everyday you visit.Even after being shown and finding this elusive but saviour landmark,you will forget to find it again when you visit-like always.

3.You will be standing at National Archives and ask silly questions like where is Kencom and Ambassador.

4.You will also ask where is Moi avenue street.

5.You will forget the matatu number and call to be given direction and where exactly those Godforsaken numbered matatus park.

6.You will want to know why some people are crowded somewhere.You will join them.Unknown to you,someone will try to steal your cheap phone which cost you your kidney and entire life savings.You will walk away very proud of yourself that you are street smart na “wakora wa Nairobi hawanipati”.

7.You will be amazed by the many book vendors in Nairobi.You will ask 1000 of them if they have princess Diana’s biography written by Andrew Morton.When they say they don’t have the book,you will be darkly amused that those in Nakuru are not badly off.

8.You will feign false confidence that you know Nairobi.For this reason,finding places will be an endeavour you will task yourself without anybody’s help.Then after believing that you are following the right direction,you will find yourself in strange places.It will dawn on you that you are lost.You will see buses ferrying people to town.Swallowing humble pie and calling people you wanted to show that unajua town will be mandatory.

9.New comfortable matatus will dazzle you.Finding old rickety matatus is rare like finding a political aspirant vying with an Odm ticket in Nakuru.In Nakuru,all aspirants “wako mbele pamoja.