How To Endear Yourself to Kenyan Voters and Make it in Politics

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By Joseph Lister Nyaringo

1.) Stand for something that appeals to the masses especially the downtrodden. Fight for them; talk their language, be angry with the establishment. Be eloquent to deliver your message…You will become a Martin Shikuku or a George Moseti Anyona.

2.) Be brave, courageous, consistent and humble. Be ready to suffer for the nation. Call things as they are. Believe that justice is not for a select view but for all Kenyans irrespective of their status in life. From here, you become a Raila Odinga

3.) Be outstandingly rich; through whichever means even looting like the Kenyattas, Moi’s and the Williams Rutos. Out of this, you will control many. Majority will sing your chorus and will not question when you goof! The downside is: you will hate dissent and constructive criticism. Eventually, you become a dictator!

4.) Play defiant politics like Kabogo, Sonko, Waititu. It doesn’t have to be issue-based. You must have money too… Majority of Kenyan voters especially in the City of Nairobi, Mombasa and Kiambu love this.

5.) Remember that ideas contribute 1% of your success. If you bank on it alone, you will be extremely embarrassed at the outcome.
To my friends who have won and lost the ongoing party nominations, remember the above. I speak through experience! All the best!

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