Why I gave up on Luo women
I wanted to marry a Luo woman. Their pride, elegance, grace (when not drunk), personality and exuberance used to drive crazy in my younger and impressionable years. If you have ever danced with a drunk, but energetic Luo woman in a Kisumu club, at around 2.07 a.m., you will understand what I mean.
If I say that Luo women are the most blessed with the best derrières and curviest bodies within the tropics, it will not be a stretch. Besides, I have always liked them darker. There is a mystique and an erotic challenge that black, shapely women exude. To me, Luo women always gave me this blood rush that awakened the animal in me.
It is no coincidence that the two most beautiful women in my college days (by consensus) were Luo. One had a wonderful detachable waist, so thin, so elegant that she reminded you of all the porn you had watched that you would like to try at some time. She walked with such a dignified grace; we never concentrated in class, if she came in late. Many men often confided to me that there were about 1001 things they would with to her given half a chance. But she used to play a higher league; Moi Avenue chips and chicken would not cut.
The other one had the best derriere that had she become a socialite, Verah Sidika will still be an interior designer. Corazon Kwamboka will still be on course to become the best and most beautiful lawyer in Nairobi and not giving her father ‘ulcers’. No it wasn’t big. It just perfectly fit into her tall frame, and when she wore white hot-pants, she raised the temperature considerably around Nairobi. She was hot. It is believed that she caused the famous 2010 heat wave. But as we often joked, we could only eat them with our eyes. You would swim a crocodile infested Nile just to be in her presence.
I have had the poorest scoring record with Luo women. Out of the possible seven or eight that I courted or seduced, I never had my way with even one. 0/7. I used every trick in the book. Dates, nights out, Valentine Day dates, movies, dined and wined in the best joints I could afford in Nairobi. Nothing worked. Three of them said NO to my face after particularly expensive dinners. Something in me always repelled them. I begged many of them. I gave romance (besides coming from a tribe often ranked the second most unromantic in the universe), but nothing worked.
They broke my heart. I pursued them fervently with every rejection-the heart wants what the heart wants. The more I tried, the more I failed. At some point I gave up. They are annoyingly problematic. I need mention that this is not an attack on a community or a sexist rambling on women. I’m just taking it out on them. Blame my failures and frustrations.
Luo women are a handful. They can be demanding. They want more than they usually give, I came to learn. They are so bureaucratic and emotionally volatile. They are deceptively easy prey. Until you try and ten expensive dates later, you will be nowhere near to your bedroom than Raila is to State House. They will take you in circles, cycles, you end up dizzy and tired. When tired of their games and you have given up, they start chasing after you in annoying fashion, so bothersome, you want to report them to the police. Or was it just me?
Suffice, to say that I was not after a hit-and-run score. No. All the Luo women I fancied were beautiful, intelligent, playful and candidates for marriage. But they extinguished all the patience in me. One day it just hit me, that I will never have my way. But I suspect that my male Luo friends always put in a bad word for me when they met me with one of them. For conversations always switched to mother tongue. I could picture Dispatch Messenger-aka, David Odongo going like…
“Silas is serial philanderer, largely feared to be infected Nyathiwa,” or “He comes from a family with a painful history of madness, Epilepsy and he is bi-polar”.
Otherwise, nothing can explain my poor record, when I have never had any problem with women from other parts of Kenya. Best of luck if currently courting one and you are on your 23rd date at the Hilton. 67 more dates to go.
@nyanchwani
snyanchwani@gmail.com
Anonymous says
What you didn’t know, the real daughters of the lake with noble family backgrounds never married “Jamwa”. Only rejected daughters of witches or cursed families married outside Luoland. Marrying Jamwa was a bad omen and led to low self-esteem amongst age mates and society generally.
I’m sorry for you but we love Kisii ladies, very hardworking and honest to their marriages when they get to Luoland. Marrying a noble Luo man is a source of pride amongst the kavirondo communities. Our in-laws from Kisii and kalenjin background are respectfully called “Nyargot” (daughter of the hills) while from luhyaland are called “Nyamalo” or “Nyar tok Kodera” (Odera being the Paramount Chief that championed education in Gem the land of the “firsts” in academic gigantism of Luoland, first Kenyan minister and passersby are always warned not to carelessly throw stones because they may hit a head of a professor).
Any young Luo man who wants to get a good wife need look for a descent Kisii or kalenjin lady with a descent family background and you’ll be happy.
Avoid any lady posing to be a devoutly saved Christian unless you’re able to dig deeply what drove her to salvation and if the family is of practicing Christians otherwise the salvation could be a cover up for uncontrollable demons and curses that will haunt your life forever. Remember Jesus himself warned that not all who come in my name are my people. Elsewhere, do proper background check before you make a mess of your life forever. Remember it’s not the looks that will raise your children but the mind and moral groundings that matter in family
life.
I’d have gone on but I don’t want my honest assessments to be taken as ethnic profiling. Only note that some ladies are best left for their tribesmen or brothers who understand them better because to most of them, men are just utilities to gain wealth and children and can be killed anyhow if they resist being misused.
I wonder where people get the guts to plan the death of one you’ve lived and got children together with! As you kill your spouse, why do you deny the children their father or mother as if any is replaceable?
Jadala says
They are a pain in the ass, a burden, a foolish competitor who competes even with her own children.
Enock Okello says
They are disrespectful, think they are equal to their husbands, lazy, gossip a lot and only plan how to beat their husbands in everything, wealth, belongings, possessions, etc so that eventually you are rendered effectiveless and useless, otherwise know that you have an arch enemy in the house plotting to kill you anytime! By any means! Black magic, witchcraft, occult, Illuminati etc.
Anonymous says
That’s the self+centred modern day woman almost taking women empowerment to mean heartless vengeance on men, loose pants, dead moral conscience, substance dependency, carefree lifestyle and killing at will and moving on. Children are born to extort upkeep money from men through the biased courts highly discriminative against men despite their knowledge of the Equity Principle on right to fair administrative action.
Most men die of deaths stealthily inflicted on them by the women they struggle to provide for. Women are always certain that their men will always die before them so as to inherent from them. This is a mindset that promotes the inclination to kill their men and even where there be compelling evidence of foul play on the part of the woman, law enforcement authorities remain linient to the female culprit.
The society keeps skirting around the increasing number of brutal deaths within families some perpetrated by hired rogue law enforcement officers who’ve made it a business venture killing to earn instead of protecting lives.
What’s really come of the suspected Nyeri magistrate’s case over the death of her husband and how many years will it take for the case to be settled or are the authorities waiting for the witnesses to die of “covid-19” and declare that there’s no evidence to prosecute the case? Is the verdict so obvious that no fellow judicial officer or lawyer would want the judgement pronounced and would rather have time sort the suspects? Can’t the judiciary stand to vindicate itself on cases touching one of their own?
Why are some cases rushed while others stand adjourned eternally or only mentioned in chambers?
The truth is even in the days of jesus, courts were and are never for justice. If they were, Jesus wouldn’t have been crucified as the Court looked aside having declared him innocent. Tuheshimu maisha ya binadamu wenzetu na hata kama ni mali inang’ang’aniwa, mwenye anauwa amejihakikishia maisha Kwa muda gani na atabeba nini siku zake zikifika!?