The trouble with Testosterone

By Fred G

“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”
Proverbs 5:18-19
This is a family channel. Therefore, I will try to keep it as clean as possible.
By now, most of us must have heard that Jeff Bezos, the 55 year old owner of Amazon, will be divorcing his wife of 25 years, the beautiful MacKenzie Bezos.

At $135.6 billion, Bezos is the world’s richest man.
So why would a wealthy man with a beautiful wife leave her for another married woman? Well, blame it all on Testosterone, the hormone that has so many letters it spells trouble just by looking at it. There could be other factors but for the man it all boils down to this one hormone – Testosterone.

Testosterone has broken good and bad marriages alike. It has caused many women to stay unmarried because they fear disappointment. It has cost people careers, ministries and loads of money.
What was Bill doing with Monica in what is perhaps the world’s most powerful office? Did he think about Hillary? Did he consider that he could lose his job? Of course not! Because when Testosterone begins to riot, the real brain goes to sleep temporarily and an apparent fake one takes over.

What would make a Christian Minister with a successful ministry and a global audience, step out of his office, get into a taxi, try to change his looks so no one recognizes him and walk into a whorehouse? Yes, you got it right. The same old Testosterone! Some have lost ministries built over decades and gone on to lose their families as well.

Back home, you must know a woman or two who is in tears because of their husbands’ wayward ways. Women exchange vows with their prince charming, they go on honeymoon and return home to start their life. They expect nothing but ‘happily ever after.’ They expect their husbands to remain faithful, no matter the circumstances. But many men soon start to experience serious conflict between their vows and Testosterone. A few successfully stand by their vows and we all say, Amen! But majority somehow bow to the demands of Testosterone. They don’t like it. It is more honourable for any man to keep his vows. It feels good when you can tell Testosterone to slow down because you got vows to keep. But Testosterone makes men helpless and weak. Woe unto you when the wife learns of your ways. That home will be ungovernable. The trust once broken is not easy to put back together, again. The scar remains forever.

So what can we do about Testosterone? I think nothing.

Testosterone is a good thing. Often, it is the best indicator of the state of a man’s health. Making it low does have its consequences. You know what happens when men hit the 60s.

It is unrealistic to expect that men will suddenly wake up after 6000 years and start managing their Testosterone better. But I think there are things we can do to make our marriages better in spite of Testosterone.

One, if you are single and is planning on marrying, I suggest you don’t be in a hurry. Don’t marry because your age mates are getting married. Don’t marry wealth or class or family. Don’t say, “I don’t feel the person but I think we can tolerate each other.”

Marry because, first, the chemistry is right and you simply can’t live apart from each other; second, marry because you wholeheartedly love the person and three, marry because you are good friends. There should be no second guessing.
Testosterone is best managed in marriage and if the marriage is not healthy, the bedroom can’t work and Testosterone will have to seek other outlets for release. The release can be postponed for a few weeks but not for very long. Men have been known to go nuts.

Two, marriage is hard work even if you married your soul mate. You got to keep deliberately working at it for the rest of your life.

Three, the needs of women and men are often worlds apart and women sometimes don’t understand why men make certain demands. Women should try to understand and reduce instances of headache and exhaustion as much as possible. A man will request or even plead a few times. Once they discover that rejection is the order of the day, they get frustrated and may actually stop asking.

Finally, marriage as an institution was created by God himself in the Garden of Eden. Make God the most important person in your marriage. But remember even the most powerful prayers cannot suddenly create chemistry. So pray a lot before you start this game.
And hey, don’t be surprised when your favourite church elder, pastor, gospel artiste or scandal free politician falls in sin.
Be blessed.